I AM THE MONSTER BUCK

Here is how it all breaks down.

Boy moves to Portland. Boy has nothing to work with. It takes a year for him to even get the premise of living in Portland to begin with, which more or less starts with an appraisal of humility. In the process, boy loses everything, including money, friends, good clothing, and tons of weight added on from college, before realizing he never needed it to begin with.

The fact that I never needed these things (pizzas, asshole exes, terrible friends who judge you on how you look, bad dreams, wisdom teeth) only reinforces a fact that everyone seems to more or less declare upon getting to know me for a month of more: I have no focus, no autopilot. It can be more or less described as a burning wagon full of fireworks careening down an empty highway, shooting off things as it goes, before nearly petering out until the mysteriously-titled ‘next big thing’.

The fact that moving here cost me everything I know is a confirmation that continues to disturb me greatly.